Jane, somewhere around a mid-point in life, finds herself at a moment of reckoning. A creative writing tutor, she suffers from both an unsteady sense of conviction in her task and acute, shifting physical pains that strike at unpredictable moments. Reflecting on the formative relationships in her life, she recalls the conflicts and currents of childhood and family life – stumbling attempts at intimacy, and in particular an early, shattering encounter that lead to a life-long connection with a man whose power over her was both toxic and intoxicating. It is perhaps a power he holds over her still.

This is an unflinching account of a traumatising relationship, and an exploration of the ways in which obsessive love can obliterate all else. Jane Feaver writes with sensitivity and candour about the loneliness of childbirth and early motherhood, on the sacrifices that women make; she is subtle and funny, too, on the politics and pleasures of working life. Insightful, poetic and ultimately hopeful, it’s a book that asks whose stories we should give the most weight to and whose versions of ourselves we should believe in the end.

(Review by Mary Morris, Arvon Centre Director at Totleigh Barton)